Di: 0:00

All right, people buckle up, because I'm about to go off. It's a full-on rant, because today's topic is the authentic self. You heard me that phrase, that concept, that ideal that's been shoved down our throats by every self-help guru, life coach and influencer on the planet. Tired of the health and well-being bullshit on social media? Well, you've come to the right place. This is Bodyholic with Di, the podcast that cuts through the noise and gives you the real deal on health and well-being. I'm Di, a certified personal trainer and public health promoter with a master's in public health, and I'm here to help you reach your goals. Just a heads up I'm not a doctor or a registered dietitian, so always consult with a professional before making any major changes in your routine. Okay, let's get to it. Welcome back, folks. Today, we're diving deep into the concept that's been plastered across social media and self-help books.

Di: 1:07

The air quotes authentic self. It's time to call bullshit on this well-intentioned but ultimately misleading idea. I am here to tell you it's bullshit, complete and utter, scientifically bankrupt, anxiety inducing bull. Okay, maybe that was a little harsh. I can accept that it was a little harsh, but I'm seriously. I'm fired up about this because for years and years, I was obsessed with finding my authentic self. I read the books, I did the workshops, I journaled until my right hand cramped up. I was on this endless quest, this desperate search for the real me Air quotes again. Like the real me was some kind of little lost puppy just hiding under the couch cushions of my psyche, and you know what it nearly broke me. It really did. This is actually what pushed me to dive into the research in the first place. I needed answers. I needed to understand why I felt like I was failing at being me. So the authentic self what fresh nonsense is this? Let's break it down, okay. This authentic self again, air quotes, nonsense.

Di: 2:46

The notion of an authentic self is undeniably appealing. It promises a life of purpose, of fulfillment and of unwavering self-belief. But is it really as simple as just peeling back the layers to reveal our true, unchanging essence? The basic idea the one that's plastered all over Instagram is that there's this core, true self inside each of us. The inner self is supposedly the real deal, the genuine, unchanging, unfiltered one. It's the you that existed before the world started messing with you, before you started conforming and before you started wearing those masks. It holds all your core, your values, your dreams, your passions. It holds all your core your values, your dreams, your passions, and only by removing those other layers can you live an authentic life. Sounds great, doesn't it? Like a beautiful, pure diamond just buried under layers of dirt. Except, I believe it's a lie, a seductive lie, but a lie nonetheless.

Di: 4:12

So the science says that your brain is basically a shapeshifter. Now, I'm not. I'm not pulling this out of thin air. I've dug into the research and let me tell you neuroscience and psychology have a very different story to tell. Neuroscience and psychology offer a more nuanced perspective, which I appreciate.

Di: 4:33

Our brains are incredibly plastic. They're constantly adapting to new experiences and information. This means that our sense of self is not fixed, but it's fluid and it involves over time. Basically, neuroscience and psychology are saying hey, there's no single static you in there. So our brains bless, their amazing squishy hearts are constantly changing and there's a name for this. It's called neuroplasticity. Every experience, every relationship, every thought literally rewires our brain.

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Our self-concept is not some fixed entity. It's a dynamic, fluid, ever-evolving work in progress. Think about it. Are you the same, really? Think about it. Are you the same person you were at five years old, at 15 years old at 25? Of course not. You've grown and you've learned and you've adapted and your values might have shifted and your priorities have likely changed. And it's not just about our brains, it's our sense of self is shaped by our environment, by our culture and our relationships. So developmental psychology shows us this is very cool how our identities morph throughout our lives. We're constantly negotiating our sense of self in relation to the world around us. So research on self-complexity suggests that individuals with multiple diverse self-concepts tend to be more resilient and more adaptable.

Di: 6:31

This challenges the idea of a single authentic self. There are studies on self-complexity that show that people who have multiple diverse self-concepts like an example, if you were to say about yourself I'm a mother, I'm a writer, I'm a friend, I'm a runner so those are the people that tend to be more resilient to stress. Why is that? Because they don't have all their eggs in one air. Quotes again authentic self basket. And don't even get me started on state-dependent memory. You're going to like this. I think that's the idea that our memories and even parts of our personality can be influenced by our current mood or current situation. So, in other words, the you who's feeling joyful and confident might be quite different from the you who's feeling. So which one is the real you? Spoiler alert they both are.

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I truly believe that authentic self is pretty much a recipe for anxiety and feelings of inadequ finger. Why is this idea so damn popular? I'll tell you why because it taps into our deep seated desire for meaning and for purpose and for certainty and it promises that we can just find, if we can just find, that elusive true self, everything's going to fall into place, we'll finally be happy, fulfilled and we're just going to be living our best lives. But there is a dark side, because the promise is a trap.

Di: 8:27

The pursuit of authenticity can often lead to anxiety, to self-doubt, even to paralysis. The pressure to always be true to oneself can be overwhelming. I have experienced it just like that, especially in a world that constantly demands perfection, the pressure to be authentic can be crushing. It creates this constant nagging, this anxiety, this fear that you're doing it all wrong and that you're not being true to yourself. If you're like me, you know those questions, questioning every decision. Am I aligned with my authentic self? Am I betraying my true values by taking this job? Or is this relationship authentic? Or am I just settling? Oh my God. It's exhausting and it can lead to some seriously unhealthy consequences. I've seen people isolate themselves because they're afraid of being judged as inauthentic. I've seen people paralyzed by indecision because they're terrified of making the wrong air quote choice for their supposed true self.

Di: 9:47

The concept of authenticity can be also exploited by self-help gurus and social media influencers who totally profit from our desire to be genuine and, if we're being really honest, this whole concept is ripe for manipulation. The gurus and the coaches I really feel can prey on this insecurity, selling you their version of authenticity, which often involves buying their products and buying their programs. And actually it's brilliant marketing, it's a brilliant marketing scheme. So what if we ditch the authentic self and embrace the authentic mess, which is pretty much what I do? So what is the alternative?

Di: 10:34

Okay, let's really think about this. Do we just give up on self-discovery altogether? Hell, no, of course not. But we need to reframe the conversation. Instead of striving for an idealized version of ourselves, let's embrace the messy. Let's embrace the messy, contradictory and ever-changing nature of human identity. Instead of chasing this mythical authentic self, let's embrace the beautiful, messy, ever-changing tapestry of our identities. Let's acknowledge that we are multifaceted beings with different roles and different desires and different aspects that come to the forefront from different situations. And it's totally okay to be a different version of yourself at work than you are with your family, and it's totally okay to have conflicting values or to change your mind about different things. That doesn't make you a fraud. It makes you absolutely 100% human. This is your permission to slip, to stop trying to fit yourself into some rigid, predefined, box-labeled authentic. Give yourself permission to experiment, to grow, to evolve. Give yourself the permission to be a work in progress.

Di: 12:10

So let's get into the real talk and how to actually feel good about yourself with this whole thing. So how do we cultivate a sense of well-being? And you know that that's what I'm all about cultivating a sense of well-being without getting sucked into the authentic self vortex. Oh my God. Here's my rant, fueled advice, with a few more practical tips mixed in okay, self-reflection as opposed to self-obsession.

Di: 12:42

Instead of searching for your true self, just get curious about yourself. Explore your values, explore your interests, check out your strengths, look into your weaknesses, journal, meditate, talk to people you trust, but don't get hung up on the finding definitive answers. Self-compassion, not self-criticism. Be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone experiences setbacks. You're not going to be perfect and you're definitely not going to be some static ideal of authenticity. Just embrace your flaws and learn from your mistakes and give yourself a break. I believe that vulnerability is your superpower. Share your true self with others, even if it feels scary. Stop trying to project some image of perfection. Let people see the real messy bits of you and all that comes with it, because authenticity isn't about being perfect. It's about being honest. About being perfect. It's about being honest.

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Try stuff, try to fail, try to learn and then repeat experimenting and get out of your comfort zone and try new things. And just don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. Try new things even if you're not sure that they are authentically you, because you might super, super surprise yourself. And what if you fail? Who cares? You learn something.

Di: 14:21

You can even practice mindfulness to become more aware of your thoughts, to become more aware of your feelings. Pay attention to the present moment without judging. This can actually help you become more aware of your ever-changing thoughts and feelings and sensations and how they contribute to your sense, your overall sense of self and the power of the pen gratitude and mindful journaling. So I know I ragged on journaling earlier when I was talking about chasing the authentic self, but I want to be clear. Gratitude journaling and mindful journaling are fantastically science-backed practices. Unlike searching for a mythical true self in your journal, these are techniques that can actually help you focus on the present and cultivate positive emotions. Gratitude journaling, where you regularly write down the things that you're grateful for, has been shown to increase happiness and reduce symptoms of depression, and mindful journaling, where you write all about the present moment, experiences without any judgment, can help you process emotions and gain self-awareness. These are tools for self-reflection and growth, not for chasing some elusive idea.

Di: 15:52

And see if you can focus on connection as opposed to validation, because connection is what builds meaningful relationships with others. Stop looking for external validation about you being authentic. Focus on building genuine connections with people who accept you for who you are quirks and all. You are quirks and all. So there you have it, my rant on the authentic self. I hope I've convinced you to ditch this toxic ideal and embrace the glorious, messy, ever evolving human that you are.

Di: 16:35

By letting go of this unrealistic expectation of a fixed, perfect self, we can free ourselves to live more authentically and joyfully once we do and remember you are complex and you are multifaceted, and that is okay, it's even great. And go forth with your um, complex, multifaceted self and remember that the only person you need to be true to actually is the person you are today, not some imaginary version of yourself from the past or the future or to anyone else version of yourself from the past or the future or to anyone else. It's just who you are today, right now, at this moment. Hey, thanks so much for tuning in and if this hit home, please share it with your crew. Likes, comments, shares. Show your loved ones you care.