The Five Controllables in Life

Speaker 1 0:00

there's five things that I coach on that I believe are controllables in our life . Now there may be more , but these are the five that I found have always been true , whether you're in a sport , in a business , I don't know about when there's a war going on , because I haven't had that experience , but I would imagine that they're pretty similar and you can be able to use these . The five are your effort , your attitude , your target , which is your intentional focus , intentionally putting it somewhere . Your toughness , which is your discipline at the end of the day , and then your environment , and your environment is not exactly everything around you , it's your environment . So I'll dive into those a little bit .

Speaker 2 0:41

Welcome to Bodyholic with Dee . No fads , just facts . I'm Dee and I'm here to help you ditch the noise and build a life you love . Let's go . Oh , but wait , I'm not a doctor , so use your common sense . Now let's dive in . Dom Clegg , thank you so much for coming on to Bodyholic and chatting with us about something I am super excited over .

Speaker 1 1:10

Absolutely . I'm really excited to be here . Thank you for having me .

Speaker 2 1:14

It's really a pleasure , and before I get into a topic that is super , super close to my heart and we'll get into why and everything but first maybe a few words about you and what brought you to where you are today .

Speaker 1 1:32

Yeah , absolutely so . Growing up I was a kid that loved to play every single sport possible . I'm the oldest of five kids , so used to being in that leader slash role , model role , I guess but played all the sports possible , ended up playing college football at a Division II school here in the States in Ohio , then went on to wasn't really sure what I wanted to do .

Speaker 1 1:55

I wanted to thought I was going to be a coach and a high school teacher and then decided that being a teacher maybe not was not the best fit for me . So then I ended up going into the coaching ranks in college , where I was a teacher maybe not was not the best fit for me . So then I ended up going into the coaching ranks in college where I was a teacher there of , I guess , older young men , and was able to do that for six years and I thoroughly enjoyed , loved every second of it , and just eventually didn't align with who I was or my priorities , so I left that space and got into the tech sales space . Actually , when I was in tech sales , it was great .

Speaker 1 2:26

If people don't know about college football , unless you're one of the top people , you don't make a whole lot of money doing it .

Speaker 1 2:32

So I was making more money , had more time than I knew what to do with , but the biggest thing that was lacking was impact , and I think I don't know where it comes from , but something inside me my purpose , drives me towards making impact with people .

Speaker 1 2:46

So I started playing around with the idea of becoming a leadership and personal development person , because I didn't know what that was , didn't know what that looked like , and ended up starting a mental performance coaching business where I coach athletes , coaches , business leaders , financial advisors to help them just perform at their very best , whether it's in their business , in their sport , in life , and I truly love what I'm doing . And then I also have the opportunity which is how we kind of met was I do some sales stuff for my mentor , ben Newman , who is a top high performance coach in the world , so kind of have a little inside track of being a better performance coach , hopefully can learn from him just by being there , but super excited to just make an impact with as many people as possible . And that's what my life , I feel like , is all about . And I have the uh , the best partner in crime with my wife , who's all about that as well .

Speaker 2 3:34

Oh my God , I love it . I love that there is something inside of you that also drove you to it and that you listened to it . That's um , that's so huge .

Speaker 1 3:51

It was a very scary uh decision to leave coaching because it's all I knew , Um , but I knew there was more . For some reason , there was something down there that knew that there was more and it was praying about it . It was talking to people in my inner circle . So , having that inner circle , I think it's huge for everybody to know who is on your side and therefore you , no matter what . But then , just at the end of the day , like taking the leap of faith that this is what it's supposed to be , and even if I it's not the right fit , I'm going to bet on myself that I'm either going to make this work or I'm going to be able to come back to be able to do what I need to do in in the sports or coaching realm .

Speaker 2 4:21

So I , I . What you're saying right now kind of stopped me in my tracks because , um , first of all , it resonates with me so much because that's actually kind of how I live my life . It's like if I really want to do something , my gut doesn't let me go until I get it done . Gut doesn't let me go until I get it done . And , um , I always take into account that I am more likely to fail than not , because , I can't be amazing at everything that I'm doing .

Speaker 2 4:56

I'm just going to try . You know , here and there and there , and you know , slowly and surely , I'll narrow it down at one point . And that really is an entrepreneur mindset . It has to be . You have to have this like inner resilience and be okay with failure . In fact , I would even go so far as to say , like see it as a blessing , almost , and , um , I think that you just have that innately in you . Uh , also must it must have something to do with the sports .

Speaker 1 5:36

Yeah , I , um , I I'll give a sports analogy . Right , you miss every shot you don't take , and most of us are going to miss more shots than we make , just like anybody . Like a baseball player , you can be in the Hall of Fame and you did your job 30% of the time , right , like that's insane . But as an entrepreneur , it's the same thing . You're probably going to fail way more than you ever succeed . But if you don't take the chance , then you'll never know . And so it's almost the idea of learning that who you are and then just going attacking that Cause I feel like the alignment of who you are and your purpose is what's going to keep driving you forward that when you get those no's or you get those rejections , it's not going to stop you . It's going to be like , oh , okay , well , maybe I look at it this way and I learned from it .

Speaker 1 6:26

I didn't lose . I mean , I was one , but I didn't lose , I learned . I learned from that and I was able to grow , and I think that's what coaching taught me . Was that ? And just to give people a background , when I was coaching , I lost a lot . I was part of some not some great programs that were building at the early stages . So I learned how to learn a lot through that time .

Speaker 1 6:47

But it's just again the idea of like you're never going to lose , because life is a finite game , but there's a whole lot of life to live , so let's just keep attacking one day at a time . And as long as I attack one day at a time and I win one day at a time , those days are going to stack and I'm going to be okay . And again , we're just going to learn through it and we're going to get better . And when I'm on my deathbed and hopefully everybody listening to this , when you're on your deathbed you can look back and be like I learned a whole bunch , I made a whole bunch of impact and I lived my purpose to its fullest and I have no regrets .

Speaker 2 7:20

Right , absolutely . So I have this amazing woman who works for me in terms of I throw a ton of footage at her and she turns it into a reel , real . So , cause I'm in my online business , I'm mostly training people like workouts , um , on the online platform , and so there's a lot of just footage of me working out , because that's what I do and I uh , we were taught , you know I'm . I'm in Tel Aviv and just not even a week ago , a massive war ended , started and ended , and I live in Tel Aviv , which is the city that was hit the most , and it was really scary . And I sent her a message , a voice message on WhatsApp , and I described the workouts that I was doing . And then she took that message and she went into the Google drive and she put stuff together and she took my voice and made a voiceover out of it and she described and I'm describing the fact

Dom's Journey: From Athlete to Coach

Speaker 2 8:47

out of it . And she described and I'm describing the fact that and I think it's one of the best videos I've ever uploaded . It was so powerful because I was just telling her listen , I can only control , really , my workouts .

Speaker 2 8:57

What else do I ? What can I control in my life ? I can control my workouts , like that's one of the only things , um , and so I keep showing up on the mat and I couldn't bring myself to do any high intensity . It was like I had to get into some deep breathing , just getting the blood flowing , cause I didn't . I couldn't put myself under any more stress . And you know this is a question that I wanted to ask you soon after we first talked , without knowing that there was going to be a full on Iran-Israel war . And then you know I'm sitting down the other day and I'm going over everything and I'm like how ? But here's the question . Okay , so in moments of chaos and uncertainty , when you know I'm just playing everything back from the last few weeks of my life , um , how would you recommend you go ? One ? Go about training their mind to distinguish between what we can control and what we cannot . So really , in terms of , I guess , mindset , Absolutely Well .

Speaker 1 10:14

One thank God that you are safe and things have , I guess , slightly calmed down and everything over there . So that's like amazing and thank God for that , because wouldn't be able to do this and hopefully make this impact with you and alongside you . There's five things that I coach on that I believe are controllables in our life . Now there may be more , but these are the five that I found have always been true . Whether you're in a sport , in a business I don't know about when there's a war going on , because I haven't had that experience but I would imagine that they're pretty similar and you can be able to use these . The five are your effort , your attitude , your target , which is your intentional focus , intentionally putting it somewhere . Your toughness , which is your discipline at the end of the day , and then your environment , and your environment is not exactly everything around you , it's your environment . So I'll dive into those a little bit , but I like to say it's eat . You need to eat every day , because those are the controllables and , as you can see my shirt , I love wolves , so wolves eat every day , right , and alpha eats every single day . It has to make sure it's getting the nutrients that it needs . But when you eat , you have maximum effort in everything you do , it doesn't matter what it is . If you're a parent , you're giving maximum effort to your kids . If you're a business leader , you're giving maximum effort in your job to your employees . If you're an athlete , maximum effort in every single workout , every single practice rep , every single rep on the field , no matter what it is . You're going to go full out , because that does a lot of things for you . One it lets you know that if you fail , you did everything you possibly could . So now we removed our variable from the equation of looking back on okay , did I do everything I could do ? All right , maybe I wasn't getting enough sleep , Maybe I wasn't doing enough reps that I was supposed to be doing , maybe I shortcut myself on a sprint in business , maybe I didn't make that one phone call I should have made . That's why I didn't get the sale or I didn't hit my goal for the year . So it's the idea of like , maximum effort in everything you do and we don't try ever . You don't try something right ? Cause if you , if you try a piece of food , what are you doing ? You're actually eating it , you're not trying it . Yeah , you're tasting it , but you're , you're not , you're not , you're not trying it , you're , you're eating it , right , so you just do it . And when you just do something , you're less likely to hold back , you're less likely to be pulling back in a way of effort because you're scared to fail . You just do it , do it with maximum effort and if you fail , great , let's learn from it . Right , we don't lose , we fail and we learn . So it's that idea of maximum effort in everything you do .

Speaker 1 13:00

The next one with attitude . It's a productive attitude . So at the end of the day , you can control your attitude , you can control how you show up every single day . So , with a productive attitude , what I mean is it's purposeful , meaning you choose it , you don't let someone else choose it for you , you don't let your mind choose it for you because you're not feeling it . You choose it yourself .

Speaker 1 13:21

And then , being positive . Now , with a war going on , I know there's like probably a lot of negative right and and going on right , but there's positives that we can find in it . Right , your family is with you , you're safe , right , that's a positive . That even that little thing you're still breathing , that's a positive right . So it's being able to find those little things that you can pull with you to be like okay , I am purposely choosing that I'm going to have an upbeat attitude . I'm attacking today because this is the day that I get the day that the Lord has given me . Now let's go attack it with purpose and positivity , because I'm breathing at least bare minimum . If that's the bare minimum , great , that's all we can find . Maybe I woke up today and I have the opportunity to go work out , because there's a bunch of people out in the world that can't work out because they're paraplegics , they have diseases , whatever it is . Whatever you need to find , find the little detail to be positive and then choose your mindset , choose your attitude , because then you get to choose that .

Speaker 1 14:24

The next one is your target , and your target . When I talk about target , it's being in the moment , every single

The Power of Taking Responsibility

Speaker 1 14:30

moment , because we can't maximize on the opportunities that we have if we're not in the moment . We miss the details , if we're looking forward to the future or reflecting on the past too much . So with being in the moment , we eliminate a lot of pressures in our life . Now , I'm not saying don't have goals . I'm not saying don't watch the film from the past to get better . I'm saying be in the moment , so that way you can understand how many opportunities you have and you can maximize and capitalize on those things . Because if we look forward to the future , those are results that haven't happened yet . So we're worried about something that we still can impact , we still can have some change on , and it's just creating pressure in our life that we don't need . If we look at our past and we're not reflecting in a way where we're looking at it to be better , we're just looking at it because oh poor me , I had this happen to me in the past Well then we're tripping on our past . Something bad has happened and we're bringing it back into our present . That doesn't help us .

Speaker 1 15:29

So walk in on the moment , have your target on the moment and be intentionally focused on maximizing that to the most you can possibly do . And then your toughness , your discipline I like to say do what needs to be done to . The standard needs to be done . So if that means I need to give my family all this attention and be present with my kids , then that's what I'm doing . That's the standard it needs to do , and I need to do it with the top standard that I have for myself . If it's working out , if it's in your business , it doesn't matter what it is do . What needs to be done to the standard needs to be done , because it's tougher to actually have discipline every single day in your life and every single moment of your life than it is to just be a big tough guy that goes and lifts weight right . It's a lot harder to have that discipline day in and day out , moment in , moment out , and be able to do that every single day . That's truly toughness to me and I think that anybody can have that . It's just having that in you and you already have it in you . It's just choosing to do it .

Speaker 1 16:25

And then the last one is your environment , and your environment comes down to one . We all have this thing in our pocket that doesn't leave our hip ever . It's called a phone . Our phone is our environment , our phone is our environment and with that we can control it . And the way that I like to control it is use my alarm to set it as what I call my hunger , which is bringing my why and my purpose together to drive me every single day , and that's the first thing I wake up to and see that Then on my lock screen it's my picture of my dog , who passed away a little over a year ago , and he was my best buddy . If you see my tattoo form my year ago and he was my best buddy If you see my my tattoo form my best buddy and he drives me , he reminds me of why I'm doing something every single day . I'm carrying on his legacy because he was there for me in times when I needed him the most , when I was just me and him . And so it's here for me to carry on his legacy to do with my wife , so it's our family of three . And then on the inside of my phone , the wallpaper is my wife , my dog Maximus , and myself on our wedding day , and it reminds me every single day to just keep driving forward , no matter what , and so I use that to help me .

Speaker 1 17:35

I set my environment up for my success so we can control that . The room that we live in , or , if you own a house , how you set up the furniture , is your environment . So are you putting things up on your mirrors right ? I like to tell my clients write out your I am statements on your mirror , or write out your purpose on your mirror every single morning , write out your goals on your mirror and dry erase or whatever is posted , doesn't matter . Use that to set your environment up for your own success so that way you can be better . And then the last part of environment that I include is who do you hang around with ? And especially when I'm talking to high school , college aged um athletes , I like to use this of the five people you hang out with the most , you'll be the sixth right .

Speaker 1 18:21

So , understanding the people you surround yourself with , understanding who's in your inner circle , because you don't need a massive inner circle , you don't need to have 20 people that believe in everything you do and back you . You just need those four to five people that if you called them in the middle of the night , 2 am , and you were going through a struggle , you know they'll pick up the phone and they'll talk you through and help you through what you need help with , and they're going to believe in you . No matter what my mentor Ben liked to say , small circles create big damage , just like a boxer If you keep hitting the same spot over and over again , eventually it's going to burst . It's the same thing . Keep a tight circle of the people that you know , truly believe in you and you can trust them and rely on them no matter what , and then just go attack it with them every single day . I know I gave you guys a whole bunch right there . I just gave you a whole .

Speaker 2 19:14

That was pretty much that was like so insightful , so deep , so so , thanks so much for coming . So insightful , so deep , so so , thanks so much for coming . No , I'm just kidding , but I really want to say that there is , as a mother , um , you hit this one nail on the head Once . You said you know , when you talk to high school , uh , athletes and college athletes , that is a topic that I am constantly concerned about , and I know that a lot of my peers are very , very concerned about more and more , and I'm going to even add and you can tell me what you think about it , I'm going to add that , especially , the concern is around , you know , those ages uh , that part of your environment is your social media and , and I would be really like you know , I I talked to a lot of women on a day-to-day basis and , uh , the pain that so many women go through because of their perception of themselves and a lot of it is coming from the fact that their entire feed and what they're seeing every time they check Instagram or Facebook or TikTok , which is a gazillion times a day , which is a gazillion times a day um is , you know , beautiful Victoria's secret skinny stick figures , uh , in a bikini , because they , if they scroll and they start slowing down , then Instagram is going to show them more of those and more of those and more of those .

Speaker 2 20:57

But you know , that's like , that's not real . That's just not real . It really is not real . And so , filling up your feed intentionally with , um , beautiful , real women , right , or , uh , body positivity , or just something else that has nothing to do with the body , and just you know something else that has nothing to do with the body , and just you know , grow , grow , your , your information , um feed and and uh , enrich whatever it is that you're into , uh , I think that's really important too in terms of the environment . I'm just you triggered that just because I'm thinking of kids , and I'd love it

Controlling Your Environment and Social Media

Speaker 2 21:39

if you know kids would also lift their head off from the phone , uh , more often .

Speaker 1 21:44

So , yeah , I guess I would . Yeah , I would add that that I mean it's part of your phone , right ? So that is part of your environment , but at the end of the day , you can control that , right . So pick and choose what you follow , pick and choose what you scroll on , because you have control of that . It's not like the phone just opens up to Instagram and then , all of a sudden , it followed all the people that you don't need to be watching , right Like you chose to do that . So what I would say is that choose what's going to help and benefit you , right Like I with with my business , like I have to be on social media to an extent with working with Ben , I have to be on social media to an extent , but if I'm not working , I've been working better , more to just not being on social media unless I know it's for a reason or a purpose .

Speaker 1 22:34

So if I'm on here and it's relaxation time , then let's view the things that are going to fuel my brain or fuel me , in a way that's positive or a way that's actually going to benefit me , not going through and looking at a bunch of dudes that I don't look like because they're 6'5 and like muscled up and played in the NFL , right , like , if I just look at all that and I just think about how I wish I could have played in the NFL , that's going to make me feel like crap for sure . But there's a whole bunch of things that I can do that they can't do as well , and that's the idea is remember who you are , first and foremost , but like put down the phone , especially as a kid I I almost feel sorry for them because social media is not social . Social media is like almost anti-social , like it's isolating . Yeah , we we're here looking at a screen the whole time just scrolling and we're not communicating with anybody , like putting a comment and there's not like true communication , right . So like I feel sorry for kids that have a phone , because when I was growing up , we didn't have phones .

Speaker 1 23:37

We climbed trees , we played football have phones . We climbed trees , we played football , we played fucker , we were outside , we played , we made up games . Like we had so many made up games that we like and that was so much fun . And I feel sorry for them because I'm like you guys don't even understand , because all you've known is screen . We're like when I grew up , there was barely a computer that you had a code on in order for it to work . But yeah , it's just again the idea you control you , like I think that a lot of us it's easy to play . It's easier to play the victim than it is to play the hero , right .

Speaker 1 24:13

So at the end of the day , we need to understand that you can control you , just like I can control me . And if I don't do that , if I don't take control of that , then I'm giving all this great power that I have away to other people , away to my phone , away to social media . But I have so much power and that's what people don't realize is there's so much inside them that they don't realize that they have , because they think that they don't have this body type , they don't have this degree , they don't have this kind of mind or whatever it is . But you have all that you need in you . God made you a certain way for a certain reason . So there's not going to be anything that you lack Now . You might need to go learn some things , for sure , but there's nothing that you lack that you need to go find in social media or find from someone else . It's all inside of you . So keep that power . Keep that power for yourself .

Speaker 2 25:07

There are two things that I want to . So I love that you are telling people to take responsibility . Telling people to take responsibility . You're saying it without even like , you're not even sugarcoating it . You're really saying take responsibility , this is your life and you're the one who chose to follow these people , so you can also choose to unfollow these people , and I think that that is something that really has to be said , and you said it beautifully .

Speaker 2 25:48

And the other thing I also want to say , for those of us who might not be so religious or maybe not even so spiritual , that I actually everything you said , Dom , really resonates with me , including you know you are who you are resonates with me , including you know you are who you are , and so I would actually say , because I'm not a big religion person , I would actually just say you , the universe made you the way . Because I do , there must be something , there is some kind of energy . So I'm going to just say you know , the universe made you the way you are , and so , whether you believe or not , you do contain everything that you need and you can learn how to tap into your potential , and part of that is exactly that . It's creating an environment that pushes you forward that it's .

Speaker 1 26:45

It's creating an environment that pushes you forward . Um , I would even say , like they said , if you're not religious , that's totally okay , that's how I am . But , like , think about what it would take for all these things in in the universe to happen that you were born on this earth and put in the situation that you are in . Like , yes , if you went into chat , gbt and ask that they probably would be like there's one in a quadrillion chance that you would be here in this certain situation with these certain abilities . So if you're one in quadrillion , then you're perfectly how you're supposed to be . You're completely unique . So don't give away your unique power to someone else . Don't give away your unique power to a thing that you can control a phone that you bought with your own money . Don't give it away to that . Keep it .

Speaker 1 27:28

Keep it for yourself because you again , you have a purpose there's , even if you don't believe in God , but like if there's a higher being or just the universe in general . We're all on this earth for a certain reason , so go attack that reason every single day . And again take accountability for what you have Right .

Speaker 1 27:44

I do think there is a lack of accountability today and the world culture of like well , people can just do whatever they want , I can do whatever I want and it'll all work out for me . Hopefully , right ? No , just go take about accountability for your life , because nobody else is taking accountability for your life . They're all going to be working on their own life . And also , if you want to have what you want , then you must go be willing to take sacrifices take chances and go attack it with the purpose .

Speaker 2 28:32

every single day I hear it . Why does this happen and what are the mindset shifts that you would suggest could break this habit or even , like I don't know , little habits that people can kind of drip into their day ?

Speaker 1 28:53

Yeah . So I don't know exactly why this always happens or why people know exactly why this always happens or why people tend towards the victim mentality or tend towards the I have no control and wanting to just take control of everything outside their control , I think it's one . They don't know what to control or what they can control , so their focus is like it's like a horse that you didn't put blinders on . You see everything , so you don't know where to run . You're just kind of running all over the place because you see all these fields right . If you put a blinder on a horse , you can lock in and they know to like stay on the track , right . I think that's part of the problem . So hopefully , understanding what you can control will help with that . Again , it's easier to be the victim than it is to be the hero . Right , it takes some strength , it takes some discipline , it takes some purposeful thoughts as opposed

Breaking the Victim Mentality Habit

Speaker 1 29:45

to just letting things come into my brain of just whatever happens happens . So I think it's understanding what the mindset switch that I have been using is .

Speaker 1 29:56

Two different things . One is that I'm the authority of my life . Two different things . One is that I'm the authority of my life , my , my I guess thoughts or opinions on myself are the only ones that truly matter . And then probably , I would add , in my wife and maybe some close people in my life , right , those are the only people . But first and foremost , my opinion first , like , if it doesn't align with my opinion , then I want to know why they think that and then let's have a conversation about it . But otherwise , like my opinion first , like if it doesn't align with my opinion , then I want to know why they think that and then let's have a conversation about it . But otherwise , like , my opinion is the only one that matters for me , right , so I'm the authority of my life .

Speaker 1 30:30

And then I would also say that , understand that your brain is like your body . It's a tool . Just like we train our bodies , like you get on the mat , whatever it is , you do high intensity workouts , you do yoga , you do breathing exercise , whatever it is , you're training your body in a certain way , correct ? So our mind is just a tool as well . It's not who we are . We are something deeper than just our mind . Our mind is our tool . So let's use our tool and sharpen our tool in our mind like we sharpen our body , so use your mind as a tool for you .

Speaker 1 31:08

So , if a thought comes into your brain that you don't like , shut it down , stop it and replace it with the one that you actually want , and that's training your mind to eventually go down the track of positivity as opposed to negativity , productivity as opposed to being destructive , right ? So if we can constantly do that , stop the self-talk and learn to listen to our or , yeah , talk to ourselves instead of listen to ourselves , right ? Don't be very passive with it , be it , be purposeful with what you're saying to yourself . So talk to yourself , don't listen to yourself , because our brains are naturally especially over time .

Speaker 1 31:47

We , we hear all the negativity in the world , there's negativity in our lives , so our brain gets wired to start heading down the idea of negativity , negativity , negativity , and that becomes like the Autobahn that it's so easy to fly 100 miles down that road to negativity . And then our positivity is like a wooded forest and it's hard to navigate through , right ? So instead , let's start chopping down some trees . Let's start chopping down the trees of that forest and make it that the highway . So then our brain naturally goes towards that . Let's start chopping down the trees of that forest and make it that the highway . So then our brain naturally goes towards that , and the more we rewire it , the more we'll be able to do it . Now it takes time , takes reps , it takes being purposeful with it , but I think that's a huge thing of understanding that your brain is not who you are . So whatever comes into your mind or your brain isn't who you are .

Speaker 2 32:37

It's a tool that you need to be able to use to help you . I'm going to emphasize what you said about the negative self-talk , the negative thoughts , the insecurities that rise actively , proactively , even at one point . Once you become stronger and stronger in that realm , shut it down , move on to something that will actually be productive for you . I would even say , like maybe people need to write down a list so that when that those nasty self-talk thoughts arise , they already know how they're going to shut it down .

Speaker 1 33:19

I like to use I am statements . I'm a big believer in I am statements so if you don't mind ,

Using "I Am" Statements for Mental Training

Speaker 1 33:24

I can talk through how people can use I am statements because I think they're huge .

Speaker 1 33:28

So with I am statements . It's a way of telling yourself who you are , but we're not going to look at the past . And we're not going to look at the present , we're going to look at future . You , we're going to look at who you want to be in the future . So let's say , I want to be the mental performance coach for the Israeli soccer team . Right , we'll say that . So every single day . Because obviously I'm not right , I'm not that . So I will say every single day I am the mental performance coach for the Israeli soccer team . I will write that out every single morning . That's the first thing , I do .

Speaker 1 34:04

So that's what I will do every single morning is I have four I am statements . So for me it's I'm the best husband for my wife , which I'm not always , but that's the first thing that I'm always striving towards . The next one is I'm the mental performance coach for multiple power , four teams , so college football , the power , four programs . And then I am a $2 million generator for my mentor and then I am successful as the only one that is a present tense , slash past tense , slash future tense . I'll get into that one , but what you want to do is look at , we'll go back to the Israeli soccer team , is I'm obviously not that okay , but I'm preparing my mind to be that someday . So I'm going to bring that mentality of the future me into now and I'm bringing all that confidence of that's who I already am right now and be able to use that today . Then it's also going to do a second thing it's going to keep me accountable every single day to do the things that it would take to be that or do the things that that kind of person would do every single day in my life . So those are the two ways that it not only rewires your brain , it gives you confidence , but then it also keeps you accountable . Now , the reason I keep the I am successful one I'll get a little bit slightly vulnerable here is I sometimes struggle with confidence in myself , which maybe you can't tell , but I struggle with confidence when I'm by myself , of who I am and what I can do and everything . So I remind myself of I have past successes . I'm currently pretty successful from other people's standards , but for me , I want to be even more successful . So I remind myself that there is success coming in my life , but I have to keep attacking .

Speaker 1 35:45

So what would a successful person do today ? How would they respond ? How would they react ? How would they go attack today ? So for me , that's what I added in , because that was something I felt like I needed personally . I wouldn't necessarily recommend it for everybody , but that's what I needed . So if that's something that you need , something that you struggle with maybe you struggle with self-image you remind yourself that maybe you're not into the shape that you wanna be , but you're still a beautiful human being . So write out I am beautiful .

Speaker 1 36:10

Now , what would a beautiful person do today ? How would they act ? What would their attitude be like ? What are the things that they would go say to people and how would they attack the day . That's the thing that I like to use . Every single morning . I write out my hunger statement to drive me to the day , and then I write out my I am statement . So that's what I'm saying . Take a mirror . If you have a dry erase marker , write your I am statements on there so you see them every single day . You're consciously feeding your brain good information , as opposed to maybe some social media that isn't as great for information um , I , I love , I feel like you are still the coach , like .

Speaker 2 36:51

I feel like , I feel like the , the sports , the , the , the . I can just see you with a team around you , like in a huddle , and you're just like and , but , like , everybody around you is like one person's like me and another person's with a tie and another person's . You know the way you talk and the gravity that you give the positive self-talk to say it's refreshing as opposed to . You know , there's the uh in SNL .

Speaker 2 37:41

There used to be that uh character , I can't remember now , where he kind of looks in the mirror and he has , oh , he has like positive affirmations and they make it . They make it really funny . I have to say they make it really funny . I forget I forget who it was , it was anyway but , um , you actually come at it from a really non cheesy kind of way and , uh , that speaks volumes to me . Uh , so I , I really appreciate it . And also , you know , if you're not like me and Dom and uh , you are frightened by the word attack , then you can say you know , let's , let's go in and hug the day , yeah .

Speaker 1 38:25

I'm sorry that , even though I'm not in sports or not coaching sports anymore , I still have that mentality of getting after the day , like , like . At the end of the day , what I would say is worst case , win the day right . Maybe you don't attack today , but you win the day and how you can win the day I like it though , yeah , I like I'll always be the attack .

Speaker 1 38:42

I'll always be the attack Cause that's how I mentally need to know , like , hey , I'm going to attack this day right now , but go win the day . And how I look at winning the day is you did everything you possibly do to make the most of today . And you can look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and say I did everything I could . I made the most of today , I maximize it , check in a wink and that's like that's all you need .

Speaker 2 39:07

Yeah , yeah , I actually want to um pause on that for a moment . And is there like a mental checklist , uh , of , or of , or I don't know ? Yeah , a mental checklist that you would recommend for a person to just ground themselves quickly , other than I am like , because it's sometimes it feels impossible to shut down the thought . When especially when people have not yet trained their brain so much yeah .

Speaker 1 39:40

So to give a little bit of background , the biggest thing first is just noticing that you have the negative thoughts , right , you need to know that they're even there , right ? So , because a lot of times we don't even know , we just start negative things start coming in our brain and then we just start slowly going down in a downward spiral , right , and we're not even really noticing this because I'm generating all these bad or negative thoughts , like my brain is generating them . So the first thing is you have to notice them and then , once you notice them , literally , if you need to say , stop out loud . I again had been a football player , had it looking back on my time . I had terrible self-talk and I wish I knew better . I would degrade myself more than like I wouldn't have been my own friend back then , like that's how bad . I would have probably punched myself in the face Cause it was so bad . It was really like it's actually very terrifying , but I'm so happy now where I've learned to be and how I can do it yeah .

Speaker 1 40:36

So if you have to literally say stop out loud

Practical Techniques to Stop Negative Self-Talk

Speaker 1 40:40

, like to yourself , like tell yourself to stop , like just like you would tell somebody else to stop If they were talking to you that way , tell yourself to stop Right . Cause , like I always say , that your self-talk should be your hype person , your own , like your own best friend that hypes you up . So you wouldn't be best friends with your self-talk . So tell yourself to stop right . That's the first way I would do . It Be like stop and then start feeding myself the things I want to believe and if I need to , just maybe say nothing , clear my mind of everything and just close my eyes and breathe for a little bit .

Speaker 1 41:14

Like I train , I teach , like Navy SEAL , box breathing or just box breathing in general . I call it Navy SEAL because it's I like I love Navy SEALs but box breathing . So like four in four hold , four out four , hold right . And if we did that and I did that with you in a in a exercise and I made you count for in for hold , for out for hold , right now literally all I'm thinking about as I'm talking to you guys is for in for out for hold , and so then I'm clearing my mind of everything . So using box breathing can help slow you down to then be able to start feeding yourself the things that you want . So recognize it or notice it , tell yourself to stop . If you need box breathing , go through box breathing like literally counting , and if you need to , to help visualize it , draw a box in your brain Like as you're doing all this . Just draw a box in your brain , cause then again it'll clear it , it'll get something to think about and then start fueling yourself with what you need .

Speaker 2 42:21

Start putting the good things and being purposeful , being positive and then being very productive about what you're putting into your brain . I just want to . There is . This is really no bullshit thing . This is backed by studies . These positive-talk is something that is super interesting . Negative self-talk is super interesting . I have a colleague who actually studies cursing in self-talk in a positive way and it's really . It's really an interesting thing and it is very , very real . Um , I , I love the box breathing . I am in love with saying stop out loud . I'm gonna do that it it .

Speaker 1 43:11

It helped me because it's something I had to do . The other thing that I did just to give people an idea of how bad my self-talk has been is I literally would on a post-it note every single time I had a negative thought . I would chart it , and so if I had a negative thought and then I didn't replace it , I'd keep it there , and if I had a positive thought that replaced that , I would do a mark on the positive side and if I got to the end of the week , I'd give myself a quote unquote punishment for however many leftover negative thoughts that I didn't do , right ? So if you want to do like I have to write out how many however many I am statements you can . If it's like money is going to fuel you to stop being negative , like make it for everyone , I have to give ten dollars to a charity , right ? If you want to get in more , better shape every single one I have to do squats or 10 push-ups for ones I didn't replace with a positive attitude , right , I would .

Speaker 1 44:02

I did that . I started with push-ups and um helped me , and then I went on to like I had to run a certain amount of minutes , which I hate running . I'm not a runner , I am , I'm more of a sprinter , like lifting guy . So I'd be like , okay , so for everyone , I don't . So like sometimes I have to run for like five to 10 minutes and I was miserable . I was like , okay , well , I probably should stop . Probably should stop the self-talk that's bad , or I'm going to get in really good shape , one of the two . So , but yeah , that's a , I guess another like exercise or something that I use to kind of trigger my brain to help myself , even just notice I was doing it and then start the idea of replacing it .

Speaker 2 44:37

Yeah , and so wait , there's a quote unquote punishment . But then is there a prize for when you have a lot of check marks on the , on this positive self .

Speaker 1 44:48

Yeah , I didn't get that .

Speaker 1 44:49

I didn't get that far I eventually was able to replace it where I was just like I'm not doing the self-talk or I'm not doing as much and I'm doing a lot more replacement . So I just kind of like ended it because I knew that's for me . I know positive reinforcement works as well . Maybe it is like I get to go spend X amount of time doing my favorite activity , like maybe it is . Or I get like if I have X amount , like , let's say , if I have 10 positives over the negative , then I get to go have that ice cream that I wasn't having , right .

Speaker 1 45:21

Whatever it is like you can reward yourself , make it like reasonable , don't be like oh , if I get it by one , then I get to go splurge and eat all the candy and cake that I ever want , right , but like reward yourself and then , maybe the first time it is , I just I got past .

Speaker 1 45:37

I got more positive than negative . That's a win , so let me go celebrate it . But it doesn't have to be exuberant , like whatever it is . But like yeah , whatever it's , I can't necessarily tell you what's gonna be the best for everyone or the person . You have to know yourself , what's gonna one motivate you , drive you , and then what's gonna make you kind of also think I don't want to do this anymore . What's going to stop me or be , like my quote unquote punishment , and I guess I don't think of that as punishment . I think of them both as consequences , right ?

Speaker 1 46:09

so right right , right of course there's a consequence for having too much negative . There's a consequence for having positive , which means that it's just a basically a result of my actions , right , good or bad .

Speaker 2 46:23

It's going back to taking accountability and being responsible .

Speaker 1 46:27

Um , consequences can be good or bad . They're not always bad , which I feel like consequences get a negative connotation . Consequences are just the result of your own actions , right ? So whatever the consequence is , you chose it so like .

Speaker 2 46:38

Let's figure that out yep , I , I want to be your athlete . I just like wanna , I want to like show up on the court and I want you to be like d , here's how we're gonna attack the day , and you'll just give me the play play . That's how I feel right now . I feel like I want to like get on the court and you'll tell me to go right or to go left or to whatever , cause I don't understand football enough . Uh , I only understand enough to be a Patriots fan .

Speaker 1 47:10

Okay , um , I I'm a Lions fan . We , they haven't been good for until recently . They were terrible ever since I've been alive , except for the past two years . But no , I will coach you in your business , right . This is the same mentality that I take when I'm coaching someone in business right , and I'm not for everybody to be honest , not everybody's going to be like , oh , I want you to coach me , like , cause , some people don't want my kind of style of coaching of basically no BS .

Speaker 1 47:42

I'm not going to sugar coat it , I'm going to give it to you straight , and it's because it's coming from a place of love and care . That's why I'm doing it . It's not because I want you to feel bad or want you to feel like you're not succeeding . I want you to feel like you're succeeding by being able to correct the things that you need to correct , Right . And I'm going to make sure that I don't sugarcoat it so you don't think like , oh , everything's good , and then , like you're not hitting your sales goal , you're not getting the results from the field that you want , you're not getting the results with your family that you want , right . That's why I do it get exactly what you need .

Speaker 2 48:11

If you're not doing that , why are you not doing that ? Okay , let's correct that and get to where we need to be . We have to wrap up . Before I thank you , I also want to just say a little caveat or a little

Closing Thoughts and Final Advice

Speaker 2 48:35

disclaimer that Dom and I are talking about the gen pop . If you are , of course , suffering severely from you're maybe saying to yourself I have a lot of negative self-talk and the positive self-talk isn't working , it's not happening , then I would actually say then now is the time to actually turn to a professional psychologist , a clinical psychologist or a social worker or whatever you have at hand , but definitely turn to someone who deals with that very specifically . In terms of the Gen Pop , I stand by everything you said . I love your attitude and I am so happy you joined me on today's episode because I had a blast , so I know that other people are going to enjoy listening to it .

Speaker 1 49:34

Thank you . Yeah , to add on to your disclaimer , I am not a licensed professional in mental health or anything along those lines . These are just tools that I've used in my life , tools that I've learned from other people . So if you are not able to do this and you need more help , please go get it , because there's more strength in going to get help than there is strength in not getting help . It is harder to say I need help than it is to say I'm fine , right , so go get the . Please get the help that you need . But if you are part of the gem pop and you want to be trained , I would love to help anybody . I will make it work with my schedule . Obviously , you're in Tel Aviv , I'm in Columbus , ohio . We made this work , so I can make it work to an extent . There are some timelines and limitations in the world , but I had so much fun today .

Speaker 1 50:22

So much fun . I really hope everybody was able to learn something from this .

Speaker 2 50:26

For sure , and I so appreciate that you took the sports and just applied it to everything else . It's so important , so crucial , and what I'm going to do is I'm going to link your Instagram and maybe your business email to the show notes so everybody gets access . Hey , thanks so much for tuning in and if this hit home , please share it with your crew . Likes , comments , shares . Show your loved ones you care .